


What I Miss (Is The Urge To Still Love You)

by very_important_army



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Therapist AU, couples therapy with zhangjun, one sided!zhangyi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 12:09:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17560106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/very_important_army/pseuds/very_important_army
Summary: Prompted by loststickienote:"Zhangjing and Yanjun need couples therapy."Hi, my name is Wang Ziyi, and I will be your therapist."Aka if Ziyi has to be the third wheel anyway, he might as well be paid. And the whole thing is written from Ziyi's perspective."Ziyi just didn't plan on catching feelings along the way.





	What I Miss (Is The Urge To Still Love You)

**Author's Note:**

> As I mentioned in the summary, this was prompted by the amazing @loststickienote! I stole this prompt from her hehe
> 
> Also, I will be helping Stickie run a fic fest for Zhangjing's birthday! Prompts open up soon, on February 14th, so be on the lookout!

“Dr. Wang?” Ziyi’s secretary knocks on the door. “Your next appointment has arrived.”

 

“Thank you, Jeffrey,” Ziyi says. He pulls up the file for his next client.

 

A You Zhangjing and Lin Yanjun. Married for five years, but cited frequent arguments as the reason for couple’s therapy. The shorter man looks amicable and cheerful, as he is smiling widely in the photo, with round cheeks and and a contagious smile. He is clinging onto his husband’s arm, who is tall and handsome with a stern look on his face, emphasized with his furrowed brows.

 

A quiet knock on the door.

 

“Come in,” Ziyi calls.

 

The cheerful one shyly pokes his head in, before stepping in fully and bowing slightly at Ziyi. His husband walks in after, giving Ziyi a polite nod of his head.

 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Dr. Wang Ziyi,” Ziyi stands up, shaking their hands.

 

“I’m Zhangjing,” the cute one says.

 

“Lin Yanjun,” adds his husband.

 

“Please, have a seat,” Ziyi says, gesturing to the chairs across from him.

 

“So, how long have you been together?”

 

Zhangjing looks at his husband. “Married for five, dated for four years before that.”

 

“So nine years total,” Ziyi notes mildly. “And when did you start noticing frequent arguments?”

 

Yanjun sighs. “Probably after my promotion. A couple months ago?”

 

Zhangjing nods. “Our friends made us come because we were fighting so much.”

 

Yanjun scoffs, slumping back in his seat. “Nosy as always,” he remarks bitterly. Ziyi winces as Zhangjing glares at him, affronted.

 

“What? Do you not want to salvage our relationship? Stop being so selfish, Lin Yanjun,” Zhangjing snaps at him.

 

“Hey, now, don’t go putting words into my mouth,” Yanjun warns angrily, tensing his jaw. He shifts in his seat in agitation. His dark brows come together to form a menacing expression, but Zhangjing just lifts his chin and glares back just as fiercely. Ziyi is actually kind of impressed.

 

Ziyi clears his throat loudly. Zhangjing huffs, slumping down in his seat and looking away from Yanjun, who sucks his cheeks in, irritated.

 

“The first step is always to try to remember why you love each other. Why did you date for four years? What made you decide to get married? Remind yourselves of why you fell for the other in the first place.”

 

Zhangjing chuckles dryly. “Yeah, I’m trying to figure that out myself. How did I ever love such an inconsiderate, egoistic man,” he mutters to himself.

 

“Inconsiderate?” Yanjun snorts derisively. “That’s not what you were saying when we first started dating.”

 

“Yeah, because when we were dating you actually seemed kind and thoughtful. Turns out it was all an act,” Zhangjing spits out.

 

“An _act?”_

 

Ziyi coughs loudly this time.

 

Zhangjing looks apologetic, while Yanjun bites his lips harshly, swallowing the vicious words about to spill out.

 

“Can you help us, Dr. Wang?” Zhangjing implores quietly, large brown eyes searching Ziyi’s. He looks trusting and pitiful and impossible to deny. Ziyi thinks he knows why Yanjun fell for Zhangjing, already. He swallows, and pastes on a kind smile.

 

“Of course I can, it’s my job, after all.”

* * *

_Lesson #1: Don’t be afraid to go to bed angry, so that you can diffuse arguments with a clear head._

 

“What are your arguments usually about?”

 

Zhangjing sighs, looking away in embarrassment. “Honestly, they’re usually pretty ridiculous,” Zhangjing admits. “Yanjun spending too much time in the bathroom. Me singing too loudly when Yanjun is working.”

 

“We knew all this even before we started dating though,” Yanjun contributes quietly. He fidgets with his hands, twisting his ring around his finger. “I don’t know why we’re suddenly so touchy about it.”

 

“You mentioned that arguments were more frequent after your promotion. Did this perhaps change anything in your daily life?”

 

“He’s been a lot busier,” Zhangjing explains. “He spends less time at home.” And then he scowls. “And _knowing this,_ I try to be a good husband and cook dinner for him every night, because Yanjun is tired! But then he yells at me because I sing while I cook.”

 

Yanjun winces. “Yeah, well, it does more harm than good,” he retorts defensively. His arms come up to rest against his chest, crossed tightly in a protective manner.

 

“Ungrateful asshole,” Even Zhangjing’s cute face looks murderous as his gaze burns holes into Yanjun’s head. “I should’ve married someone better. I should’ve married Ruibin when I had the chance,” he grits out.

 

Yanjun lets out a derisive snort. “Yeah, like he would’ve married _you._ You should be lucky you even have me, who can put up with you,” he rants bitterly. But before the words are even fully out of his mouth, he’s biting down on his lip, hard. His entire posture changes, arms falling to the side as he sits up.

 

Ziyi grimaces. Even he can tell that Yanjun’s crossed the line. Yanjun himself look immediately struck with regret, the anger dissipating from his face.

 

Tears well up in Zhangjing’s eyes, and he turns away from Yanjun. His lower lip trembles, and he bites down hard. “So, what, did you marry me out of pity, then?” His voice breaks.

 

“Wait, no,” Yanjun pleads, a thousand times softer. “Zhangjing, baby, I didn’t mean that.” He reaches out to put his hand on his husband’s shoulder, but Zhangjing just shrugs it off.

 

“Don’t touch me,” Zhangjing snaps, trying to sound assertive, but his voice wavers and cracks. The tears spill over, running down his face, and Zhangjing sniffles.

 

“Excuse me,” he mutters, before dashing out the door.

 

“Zhangjing!” Yanjun calls after him, making to get up. Ziyi places a hand on his wrist, shaking his head.

 

“Let him go,” Ziyi says quietly. “He doesn’t want to see you right now.”

 

Yanjun sags into his seat, all the fight leaving him in an instant.

 

“Dr. Wang, what do I do?” Yanjun asks, voice full of despair and regret.

 

“Do you love him?” Ziyi asks quietly in return, standing up before Yanjun has a chance to answer.

 

\--

 

Ziyi excuses himself to go find Zhangjing.

 

“Dr. Wang,” Yanjun bites his lip. “Tell him I’m sorry, would you?” He looks incredibly remorseful, and though Ziyi’s heart goes out to the man crying in the bathroom, Yanjun’s sincerity sways him.

 

Ziyi finds Zhangjing staring in the mirror. He’s not crying anymore, but his eyes are red and he sniffles every so often. When he makes eye contact with Ziyi in the mirror, Zhangjing turns around and flings himself at Ziyi.

 

Ziyi finds himself with an armful of You Zhangjing.

 

Zhangjing is sobbing again, mumbling incomprehensible words into Ziyi’s shirt as his tears fall. Ziyi just holds him close, stroking his hair comfortingly.

 

He tries not to think about how soft and petite — and very very cute, his traitorous brain adds — Zhangjing feels in his arms.

 

When Zhangjing’s tears run dry, he lifts his head from Ziyi’s shirt. “Sorry about that, Dr. Wang,” he sniffles, “but you give good hugs, you know that?”

 

“Glad to help,” Ziyi smiles at him. “Are you feeling better?”

 

Zhangjing nods. “I think so.”

 

“Yanjun asked me to tell you that he was sorry,” Ziyi says gently. “He means it, you know. He said things he shouldn’t have out of anger, and now he truly regrets it.”

 

Zhangjing nods slowly. “I know,” he sniffles, wiping away the last of his tears. “Yanjun’s not a bad person. He’s just, well, kind of dumb sometimes.” Zhangjing peeks up at Ziyi tentatively, looking like a child about to get scolded. Ziyi wants to run his fingers through the shorter boy’s soft brown curls. “Do you think I was childish for running away and not letting him talk, Dr. Wang?”

 

“Of course not,” Ziyi replies warmly. “In fact, it would do more harm than good if you had stayed there while you were emotional. Don’t be afraid to take some time to yourself while you cool down and think about things level-headedly.”

 

Zhangjing nods again, determined this time. “I think I’m ready to go back,” he says, dropping his arms from around Ziyi’s waist.

 

Ziyi wonders why it suddenly feels very cold. Has this bathroom always been this chilly?

 

\--

 

Zhangjing settles gingerly back into his seats, resolutely not looking at Yanjun. Yanjun, on the other hand, who had straightened up ramrod straight as soon as Zhangjing and Ziyi re-entered the room, gazes at Zhangjing with round, sorrowful eyes.

 

“I love you,” Yanjun offers, breaking the silence. And he begins to ramble, words spilling out in a nervous flurry of syllables and stutters. “I love you so, so much and you’re so much more than what I deserve and I know that Ruibin would’ve treated you really well but I’m selfish and I love you and I wanted to marry you more than you would ever know—”

 

“I know,” Zhangjing interrupts loudly. He looks slightly amused, especially when Yanjun shuts up instantly, gazing at him with round sincere eyes. “I know, Jun.” He reaches out for his husband’s hand, and Yanjun latches onto him with sincere eyes and a tight grip. Zhangjing giggles. “I love you too, Yanjun.”

 

“I’m sorry for implying that nobody else would marry you,” Yanjun looks like he’s about to cry, a far cry from the resentful man from mere twenty minutes ago. “You’re really important to me and my happiness and I know you had a lot more options to choose from—”

 

“I only wanted you, Yanjun. My talented, considerate, but slightly dumb husband, Lin Yanjun.”

 

Yanjun scowls, but the look on his face tells Ziyi that he can’t even deny it. “You could’ve had Ruibin or Wenjun or even Zhengting—” As he spirals on, his face darkens and gets more and more dejected.

 

“I’m sorry for saying that I should’ve married Ruibin,” Zhangjing interjects. Ziyi tries to hold back a snort — it seems like Yanjun has a tendency to ramble when he gets emotional, and Zhangjing is clearly used to it. “You know I only want to marry you.” Zhangjing throws himself into Yanjun’s arms, and Yanjun catches him easily, as if this was a common occurrence.

 

Perhaps it was. Ziyi tries not to think too hard about Zhangjing doing the exact same thing to him just a few minutes prior.

 

“I’ll try to stop being so short-tempered,” Yanjun mumbles into Zhangjing’s hair. “I love your singing.”

 

“I knew you were short-tempered when I married you,” Zhangjing replies. “Just don’t take your anger out on _me,_ take it out in your two hour long showers.” He pauses. “Or your bread.”

 

Yanjun snickers. “What happens when I’m out of bread?”

 

Even when Zhangjing’s face is buried in Yanjun’s chest, Ziyi can still see the rise of his cheeks and hear his endearing laughter.

 

Ziyi really has no right to be this curious about what is clearly a married couple’s inside joke, but his heart yearns to know. What could make Zhangjing laugh like this?

 

“Well, I guess we’ll wrap up for today,” Ziyi speaks over the lump in his throat. “I’ll see you next week, and remember to talk through any arguments you have when you’re calm and not overly emotional!”

* * *

_Lesson #2: Schedule in time for each other._

 

When Zhangjing and Yanjun walk into Ziyi’s office one week later, they look noticeably more civil.

 

Ziyi smiles in greeting. “So, how have you two been?”

 

“We’ve been arguing less,” Yanjun admits. “After I like, stopped lashing out at him for little things.”

 

“But it’s just,” Zhangjing hesitates. “It’s kind of awkward? We’re like, extra polite to each other. It’s weird.”

 

“When was the last time you went on a date?”

 

Silence.

 

“Uh, do married couples still go on dates?” Yanjun asks blankly.

 

Ziyi blinks at him. “You’re still in a relationship, are you not? The only thing that’s changed is that it’s legal now, no?”

 

“Oh. I mean, I guess,” Yanjun scratches at his neck.

 

“It’s been a couple years,” Zhangjing confesses sheepishly, lips pulling into a small awkward grin. Ziyi is hopelessly endeared by the sudden appearance of his bunny teeth.

 

“Well, take some time out of your schedule to reconnect with each other. Even small things, like dinner together, or sitting together with a cup of tea, or even just taking a walk together. Put your work away, your phones away, and your marriage will improve.”

 

Ziyi clears his throat before continuing. “And have you two had intercourse recently?”

 

“Intercourse?” Yanjun repeats slowly. His eyes are wide like a deer in headlights, and he grimaces awkwardly. “You mean sex?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Zhangjing flushes a bright pink. And Ziyi can see the faintest hint of a blush on Yanjun’s tan skin as well, but he’s more captivated by the redness creeping up Zhangjing’s pale skin that makes him look so much more adorable, so much more innocent.

 

“Um, no, not recently,” Zhangjing says. “We’ve been too busy.”

 

“Sex is a healthy part of a relationship,” Ziyi says. “Obviously, it may not be necessary for all couples, but the extra intimacy can greatly benefit your relationship, especially if you go from having an active sex life to nothing at all.”

 

“We were uh, _quite_ active when we were dating and in the first couple years of our marriage,” Yanjun says. “But over time work just got kind of time-consuming.”

 

“Don’t forget to schedule in time for intercourse,” Ziyi advises. “It can really help remind you of the strength of your relationship.”

 

Zhangjing beams at Ziyi. “Let’s have sex tonight, Yanjun!”

 

Yanjun splutters incoherently.

 

Well, that was an image that Ziyi didn’t really want in his head.

 

\--

 

When Ziyi gets off work, he heads straight to the bar.

 

Round cheeks, doe eyes, and a cheerful slightly accented voice won’t leave his mind.

 

He needs a drink.

 

As soon as he sits down, however, he’s greeted by the exact voice that rings in his head.

 

“Dr. Wang!” Zhangjing greets happily. “Funny seeing you here! I’m actually meeting Yanjun for a date today!” He rambles happily, swinging his legs back and forth as he’s perched on the barstool. “We actually came here a lot back when we were first dating so he asked me to meet him here after work for a little trip down memory lane, and I haven’t come here in so long!”

 

Ziyi smiles weakly. “I hope you enjoy your date night, then.”

 

Zhangjing beams at him, just him, for the first time, a smile of gums and bunny teeth, and Ziyi’s heart does a little tumble in his chest.

 

“I want to thank you, Dr. Wang, because I really can already start to feel our relationship improving! Yanjun is putting in a lot of effort, he’s even leaving work early to meet me today! And I’ve started to try to bother him less, but then he just gets even clingier and he asked me not to stop anyway,” Zhangjing laughs, carefree and genuine.

 

Happiness is a good look on Zhangjing.  

 

Ziyi realizes, with a sinking feeling in his chest, that he is so _fucked._

 

“It’s not a problem at all,” Ziyi murmurs, slightly late. “I’m happy to help.”

 

“Oh look, there’s Yanjun!” Zhangjing waves frantically at the doorway, watching his husband make his way over. Even from here, Ziyi can see how Yanjun’s eyes light up, the happiest that he’s ever seen the fierce-looking man.

 

Zhangjing giggles mischievously, lowering his voice. “And if all goes well tonight, Dr. Wang, I can probably also take the second part of your advice today too! I know exactly how to seduce Yanjun in this environment,” he laughs, eyes twinkling. He tries to wink cheekily at Ziyi, but all he succeeds in doing is close one eye as the other flutters quickly, resulting in an adorable half-wink.

 

Ziyi laughs, strained. “I’ll uh, leave you two to it then,” he stands up quickly. He waves quickly at Yanjun as he passes by.

 

As he steps foot out the door, Ziyi can’t help but look back, hoping that, for his own sanity, Yanjun was treating Zhangjing well.

 

He can’t decide whether to be relieved or upset when he sees Yanjun place the most tender kiss on Zhangjing’s forehead, looking like a man utterly in love.

 

Which, Ziyi supposes, he is.

 

Hard not to be, when he’s married to You Zhangjing.

* * *

_Lesson #3: Compliment each other._

 

“Oh!” Zhangjing perks up as soon as the words are out of Ziyi’s mouth. “I’m great at that! I compliment Yanjun all the time,” he says.

 

Ziyi smiles — a knee-jerk reaction when it comes to Zhangjing, it seems. “I’m glad. A lot of times, relationships suffer because both parties feel neglected and unappreciated. A small, sincere compliment or some encouragement when he’s feeling down goes a long way.”

 

“Lin Yanjun is so handsome!” Zhangjing gushes. Yanjun ducks his head, but not before Ziyi can see the beginnings of a smile.

 

“You Zhangjing’s strong point is that he’s caring,” Yanjun discloses to Ziyi, looking supremely proud of his husband.

 

“Don’t lie,” Zhangjing nudges his arm bashfully.

 

“I’m not exactly the easiest person to get along with,” Yanjun chuckles lightly, “as you can probably already tell. But,” and here Yanjun turns to gaze fondly at his husband, “Zhangjing puts up with me anyway.”

 

“Lin Yanjun is really considerate too,” Zhangjing says excitedly, as if complimenting each other was a competition, “One time I was sick and Yanjun, without saying a word, went and prepared medicine for me! And then he knocked on my door and told me to take it. He looked so charming, like an anime character,” Zhangjing swoons. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are shining, and Ziyi admires the glow that happiness sets into his face.

 

The couple is clearly smitten with each other — Ziyi really didn’t have to put in too much work for them to reconnect. They’ve been one of Ziyi’s easiest clients — yet instead of feeling accomplished, Ziyi just feels hollow.

 

“So have you found the answer to my original question yet?”

 

Zhangjing tilts his head like a puppy. Ziyi resists the urge to coo.

 

“Why do you love each other?”

 

Zhangjing opens his mouth, presumably to rattle off an answer, but Ziyi shakes his head. He can see in their eyes that they’ve already rediscovered the reasons, and he thinks, quite selfishly, that hearing it out loud from Zhangjing will only hurt him.

 

“I don’t need to know. As long as you know, that’s enough.”

 

And maybe Ziyi is trying to spare his own heart, but can you really blame him?

* * *

On the day of their final session, Lin Yanjun and You Zhangjing walk in holding hands, smiles on both their faces.

 

It’s the first time Ziyi’s seen Yanjun smile at all, and Zhangjing has never looked so happy.

 

It seems like his job is complete — so then why is there a lump in his throat?

 

Ziyi swallows, trying not to sound choked as he greets the couple.

 

“You look happy,” he comments.

 

Zhangjing nods happily, gums revealed and eyes alight. “I think I fell for Yanjun all over again over the last month,” he chirps.

 

“We don’t really have that much to say,” Yanjun tells him. “We just wanted to thank you for helping us.” _Yanjun has dimples,_ Ziyi notices. When Yanjun smiles, he suddenly looks ten times more approachable, and quite adorable.

 

Clearly Zhangjing feels the same way, since he beams at Yanjun and kisses Yanjun’s cheek loudly, right where his cheek indents. Ziyi’s chest throbs a little, right where his heart should be.

 

“Well, if that’s all,” Ziyi begins, a little reluctant, “then I wish you all the best.” He stands up, offering his hand. Yanjun shakes his hand first as he rises as well, firm and professional. But perhaps Ziyi shakes Zhangjing’s hand just a tad longer than necessary, cherishing the feeling of his small hand in his.

 

Just this once.

 

Zhangjing pulls away, much too soon, and turns to Yanjun. “I’m going to get the car, wait for me here?” He leans in to kiss Yanjun’s cheek again.

 

Yanjun turns to face him, intercepting Zhangjing’s lips with his own, giving his husband an affectionate, gentle kiss. Zhangjing giggles happily into the kiss before heading out the door with a final wave to Ziyi.

 

And then it’s just Yanjun and Ziyi.

 

Similar to a couple months prior, Yanjun watches as Ziyi’s office door swings behind Zhangjing’s back. The difference is, this time, a dopey, completely-in-love smile paints his face.

 

“Dr. Wang, isn’t he amazing?” Yanjun sighs blissfully. “I’m so lucky. It’s impossible to not fall in love with him, I’m so blessed that he loves me too.”

 

Oh, Ziyi unfortunately knows that all too well.

 

_Make him happy forever, Lin Yanjun._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry Ziyi, I promise I love you. Find me on twt [ here! ](https://twitter.com/viarmy0111)


End file.
